Becoming, grounded, healing, meditation, My Story, Self Care

Grounded: A Right to Be

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The element of the first chakra is EARTH.  Being grounded.  It is the ground that supports and nourishes you.  Without a solid foundation your temple will not be strong, without deep roots, your tree will not grow tall.

“All journeys begin with a single step.  You can only take this step by making solid contact with the earth.”

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So this journey of becoming starts at the very bottom, by going down into the earth.  The Sanskrit name for this energy center is Muladhara, which means – root support. There is the thought that you go down to rise up.  Think of what happens when you jump.  You bend your knees to gather the energy and power to  rise up.  This is the essense of the first chakra – going down to rise up.

This chakra is associated with the survival instinct and the will to live so it affects your basic health and vitality. It is also where you manifest all your creativity.  To be able to fully manifest you must be able to ground yourself and your energy into the earth.  If this chakra is in trauma (which mine is) you will find it difficult to feel safety or security.

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The truth is: I haven’t felt grounded for a long time.  For the past two years I have been living “up in my head” as my yoga instructor likes to call it.  I get that.  My head is a jumbled mess of disconnected chaos.  I am unable to connect to anything.  I am untethered.

Imbalances in Being Grounded

Some of the imbalances of the first chakra are: heaviness, sluggishness, resistance to change, workaholism, spaciness, vagueness, restlessness, overeating, overweight, anorexia, fear, anxiety, feeling disconnected from your body, restlessness, resisting structure, inability to manifest. Some of these things are polar opposites, which represent the excessive and deficient characteristic of having an imbalance here. You can have some of both at the same time.

When you are in balance, in other words, grounded, you will feel:

  • Grounded
  • Have good physical health
  • A sense of safety and security
  • Stability and solidity
  • Right livelihood
  • Prosperity
  • Ability to be still
  • Present in the here and now

Whoa!  I have some work to do.  I largely depended on my ex-husband to provide me with safety and security.  He wasn’t very good at it, physically, spiritually or emotionally, so it left me feeling insecure and threatened for the better part of our marriage.  The constant moving did not help as it kept me off-balance. I couldn’t feel settled or grounded because I was being constantly uprooted. It wasn’t all his fault.  I did not know I could provide these things for myself.  I didn’t need to rely on someone else for my own peace of mind, I had the power all along to provide myself with my own safety and security.  I didn’t know that then, but I do now.

Issues that have plagued me my whole life, overeating, weight gain, anxiety, fear, depression all stem from not having a root support to my tree.  It couldn’t grow because I was constantly being up-rooted.  I wasn’t grounded.

The Right to Be

The right of the first chakra is; the right to be here and the right to have. 

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The right to be here means being comfortable with the right to fully occupy your body and live your life, and to take up a reasonable amount of space for doing so.  If you are uncomfortable with this right, you might find yourself apologizing for just being.  Do you say you are sorry too much?  Do you find yourself apologizing for everything, including things you did not do?  Do you feel the need to apologize for existing? If so, you might need to work on being more grounded.

I struggled with almost all of these, thanks to my ex-husband! I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t apologizing for existing.  I felt so much discomfort for anything that I did that I was ALWAYS SORRY! I was even sorry for my successes!  This is NOT how our Father in Heaven wants us to see ourselves.  We should not be apologizing for being.  Along with the right to be we also have the right to make mistakes – to be human. I think having a right to be is a basic right that everyone has.  We have a right to be – without apology, for being who we are.

The only apology we ever need make is for the things we do that cause harm to ourselves or others, our mistakes and sins.  This is also known as repentance.  And repentance is different from feeling sorry for being.  repentance is a catalyst of change.  Feeling sorry for existing is shaming.  There is a difference. Otherwise, we have a right to learn and grow at our own pace.

My ex-husband shamed me for most of the things I did.  He shamed me for not being clean enough, smart enough, making small mistakes over and over, for my grammar, or the way I phrased things.  I wasn’t allowed to just BE. I had to BE what HE thought I should BE.  By his constant criticism, he taught me that he did not have the confidence in me to get it right, so I believed that too.  And because of that, I spent way too many years caring what other thought of me.  My sense of well-being didn’t come from within, it came from without. No wonder I never felt safe!

For me the first step in becoming is feeling a have a right to be-ing!

The Right to Have

The right to have begins with having what you need in order to survive, and rests on top of the right to be here.  Your right to have includes your right to have success, prosperity, time to yourself, pleasure, adventure, friends, or any number of other things.  You will know you have a problem with the right to have if you find it difficult to receive. If you have problems with money, housing, friends, or creature comforts, you may want to explore how you feel about your right to have.

Even though my Cheater was a good provider for our family, he lives his life in the mindset of scarcity.  No matter how much money he makes, his response to my asking for money or anything, was there wasn’t enough.  I was shamed, for the most part, for the things I needed and wanted.  Looking back, I realize that there was no reason for him to behave this way.  He could have had an attitude of being generous. There was no reason for him not to be generous. We never wanted for anything!  But his attitude portrayed an illusion of lack.  He lives having a million reasons why something cannot happen instead of finding a way to make it happen.  No wonder he is such a miserable and lonely person!

“Gratitude is the key to abundance.”

Sitting as a guidepost to the right to have is an attitude of gratitude.  Having an abundance of all that life has to offer is brought about by having a profound gratitude for what you do have!  I am sure our Father in Heaven has many blessings to pour out on our head’s if we will only show gratitude for what He has already given us.  Part of showing that gratitude is being free with what we have to bless the lives of others, especially our own families! No matter how much or how little we have, we should be generous with what we do have with those we love the most.

How to Root Your Feet into the Ground

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Luckily, many of the things I love doing are also grounding!  My inner core, my spirit, must have known all along how to heal from being so disconnected from myself because there are some things I naturally do:

  • Writing
  • Hobbies (creating)
  • Gardening

BUT there are other things I could and should be doing to help feel more grounded. I am starting to work on some of these:

  • Play more
  • Laugh more
  • Move more
  • Connect with Nature everyday
  • Exercise
  • Healthy eating
  • Yoga
  • Hiking
  • Biking

Anything that brings you closer to your basic need to be and have will help you to feel more grounded. And, of course, engaging in a yoga class will help with all of these.  I highly recommend one that teaches the principles behind it as well as the poses. I have taken yoga classes before, but I haven’t learned much from it until I got both the theory and the technique. If you want to know more about being grounded, search the internet for grounding techniques and exercises.  There are lots of them, so many that I couldn’t pick one to  recommend to you.

Nameste 

The Cupcake Warrior

chocolate cupcake warrior

Be Sweet, Stay Strong!

Becoming, divorce, focus, forward, one little word, Trauma Recovery

Becoming

Each year since I separated from my husband I pick OneLittleWord to help me grow and progress for that year.

In 2015 my word was FOCUS. I learned to focus on me; Be kind to myself. I started getting regular manicure and massages, something I never did before. I found I liked selfcare! It was awesome to take care of me for a change. I spent a lot of that first year in my PJ’s, in my bed with the covers pulled up over my head, crying my heart out. But that is what I needed to do. Let the pain out. I discovered I was more accomplished that my husband would allow me to believe. There in my bed, l learned I am a strong, talented, capable, amazing woman with many gifts and abilities.

Learning to focus helped me take the blur of that first year and find the parts of me that have been missing and the parts of my life that are most important. God. Family. Peace. Me. I gained clarity and perspective. I realized I deserved to be treated better than I had been treated. I learned I was being abused. Badly. Nobody deserves that. Especially not from their husband!

In 2016 my word was FORWARD. I was learning who I was by focusing on me, but I was stuck. I couldn’t move forward because my husband had me paralyzed with fear. I didn’t know how to move forward without him. I didn’t want to move forward without him. I couldn’t move forward without him. But hanging on to him was making my life hopeless. To survive I had to move forward. He wasn’t making progress. He refused to change. He continued to cheat on me for the next year and a half without stopping. He dug in and declared he didn’t have an addiction. There is nothing I can do with that. A person who won’t even admit they have a problem is…a problem. So, knowing I had done all I could and given him every opportunity to change… Forward is where I went. Forward was divorcing him. He put down his end of our marriage yoke. I had to move on with the load of my pain alone. To do that I had to take him out of the yoke and find one fitted just for me. Alone. I was pulling him along and he had flung himself in the mud. It was too hard and to painful to go on that way. No one would expect me to.

I focused and moved forward through excruciating pain and anguish. There are days I didn’t think I would live through it. Honestly, I do not know how I am still here. But I am. I am broken. Beaten up emotionally.  But I am now ready to try on my new word for this year.

Becoming

Now that my husband is my ex-husband, I am free to become what I have always wanted to be. Me. Without a constant critic. What I always dreamed I could be. I had always hoped to do this with him. I thought we were finally in that space in our lives. I was. He wasn’t. He just never got the important things in life. Not enough to cause deep, significant growth and development.  I would chose that for him, I would have chosen that for us. But it wasn’t my choice to make. Unfortunently. I had to leave him behind. This is by far, the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. Devastating. I almost didn’t survive it.

I am now free. My wings are no longer clipped by his criticism and sarcasm towards me. I can fly! I know I can! My inner voice has always told me so. It’s how I have come this far against all odds. Now that what was holding me down has been cut free, like chains wrapped arounnd my ankles, I can take off! Soar!

I am ready to become all I was meant to be! I am ready to cut free the remaining chains of my own self doubt and fear, and let the me I am on the inside! It’s long overdue and it is exciting!

It’s time to try my hand at becoming on my own!

The Cupcake Warrior

chocolate cupcake warrior

Stay Strong, Be Sweet!