The process of my own healing has led me down very interesting paths. Over the years I feel like I have been lead to healing modalities that would help me “for such as time as this.” Being thrust into severe trauma and PTSD has left me feeling alone, abandoned, and forgotten by just about everyone, but especially God. I don’t know that I have ever experienced anything like this before. As if being betrayed wasn’t enough, I also felt God had also betrayed me and left me alone for “fend for myself.” I did not expect this crisis of faith to ever happen to me. But it did. Many nights I would cry out to God, “Where are you and why have you left me so utterly and completely alone? I did nothing to cause or deserve this! Why?” Needless to say I was in a very dark place, unable to find the light.
However, Heavenly Father is very merciful and reaches out to his daughters in every way he can in their hour of need. I feel that my journey towards energy healing was just such a Tender Mercy. It turns out that when a person experiences such extreme trauma that it sends them into darkness, through no fault of their own. This is the insidiousness of Satan, through addiction and betrayal trauma he is able to take down an entire family in one blow. The perpetrator and victims are thrust into the darkness together. I have always thought that pornography and sexual addiction were the perfect weapon of the Adversary, it turns out I was right. It destroys families and individuals, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Nothing is more thorough, or more devastating. It removes all light from everyone involved.
The job of the traumatized is to go toward the light, in every way possible, until you are reunited with Heavenly Father. Finding my way back to Him has been the hardest thing I have ever done! It took relying on the memory muscle of faith I had been exercising and developing all of my life. And it took relying on others, who had the knowledge and tools I needed, and trusting them when I could not even trust myself.
Give Me Children, Else I Die!
My energy healing journey began as a young married woman. Early in our marriage I could not get pregnant. I tried everything I could think of and anything that was suggested to me. Having exhausted all modern medical remedies, I went with other less conventional healing processes. My desire to have children outweighed my skeptical nature. I figured what could it hurt? I went to see an iridologist. She told me I had lots of imbalances in my body caused by childhood trauma. She put me on a regimen of herbs. I was pregnant within a few months. I was elated!
Seven years later, I was still unable to have another child. A friend talked to me about seeing her chiropractor husband. I thought it was stupid, but I went anyway. What can it hurt, right? It turned out that my 4th and 5th lumbar were pinching all the nerves going to and from my reproductive system. According to the Chiropractor, my getting pregnant the first time was a miracle, I agreed with him. This time it felt like I had a little more control. So we set up a treatment plan. He said it could take a year. I went to my appointment religiously.
It was in this process that I was introduced to muscle testing, or the science of kinesiology. it turns out the body knows what is wrong with it before we do. The subconscience reveals the problems stored in the body through muscle testing. The quick version of how it works is that, if something is wrong, muscles will go weak, if everything is fine, muscles will be strong. Here is how to test it out for yourself: Hold your arm out in front of you or to the side about shoulder height. Have someone gently press on your outstretched hand to get a feel for your ability to resist the gentle pressure. You should be able to hold your arm steady. This will give you a baseline. Now place a small amount of sugar in the palm of your hand. When someone presses on your hand this time, you will feel a degree of weakness and your arm will drop. Now place something in the hand that is good for you, like an apple. Test again with gentle pressure. The arm will remain strong.
It’s interesting to do for a fun party trick for most people. But for me, it was significant how my body told the Chiropractor where the problems were and how to fix them. I was pregnant within the year with my son. And I was a believer in Chiropractic care and muscle testing.
About 12 years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. When it first happened, I thought something was terribly wrong with me. One day I was fine, the next day, I could barely move. I started seeing doctors for the pain and nobody could tell me what was wrong. I was sent for a battery of tests, and every test came back the same, negative. I thought I was going crazy! Some of the doctors even had the nerve to tell me it was all in my head. Not being able to walk or lift my arms above my shoulders, didn’t feel like it was all in my head! It turns out it was, but not in the way they think. Stress is a huge factor in autoimmune disorders and modern medicine does not understand the mind/body connection very well, if at all. My Ex was causing me so much stress that he was literally killing me, but that is a story for another time. Stress was the major cause of me developing fibromyalgia, and the stress was, essentially, a head problem.
The doctors couldn’t diagnose me, so I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, by default. As it turns out, that is what they call it when they cannot find anything else wrong with you. So they tried to put me on a battery of medications for an illness they couldn’t even diagnose, including Prozac. I wasn’t interested in taking medicine for something that they couldn’t even define. I opted to just learn to cope with the pain. But one day something very interesting happened; I was invited by my daughter to attend a class on essential oils. Given my pain levels I thought, what could it hurt? I went. It changed my life.
I was somewhat of a brat about it. I was very skeptical about the idea that oils could help me. In my defense, nothing else seemed to help, so it was defense mechanism on my part. The girl teaching the class asked if anyone in the room had pain, I raised my hand, as much as I could anyway. I briefly told her my story and she rubbed some Deep Blue cream on my hand (not the location of the pain, which was my shoulder, but ok). I was annoyed. It seemed dumb. But within 2 minutes I could raise my and above my head (a fact I discovered while trying to ask a question), something I had not been able to do in over a year! I was shocked. I became a believer. Today, I have just the mildest symptoms of fibromyalgia, which worsen in the winter. But all of it is very manageable with the essential oils. I credit doTerra with giving me my life back! If you are interested in doTerra Essential Oils you can order them here. If you have questions about them please contact me!
Prana or Life Force
Once I left LifeStar, I started looking for something that would help me heal, all by myself. I needed serious self work, without my husband, he was going to be zero help. I didn’t want to be reminded of all those women who were working to save their addict. That wasn’t going to be my responsibility, or my journey. My addict was going to have to save himself. I was drowning, and I only had enough strength to save myself. This was probably because normal life with him had already broken me down too much to be able to handle him, and me too. I opted for saving me. He would have to figure himself out. So I went to Addo Recovery. It turns out that Dr. Kevin Skinner is the nation’s expert on betrayal trauma. After 15 years of research, he is the one who originally made the connection that betrayal trauma causes the same symptoms on the body as PTSD. I am so grateful to him for his work! Addo has been such a significant part of my healing, I will always be forever grateful to him and his team for their tender care of me, I truly believe that healing would not be possible without them.
As part of their program, I was sent to a yoga class, not just any yoga class, a prana yoga class. Prana teaches that we need to connect with our life force. Part of making those connections is learning to breathe, part of it is learing about our seven energy centers, or chakras. My chakras were a mess. Knowing this, I went in search of ways to heal them. If you don’t know what chakras are, I have other blog posts to help you understand them, but the short answer is, chakras are the seven energy centers in our body, than manage all the functions of the body. They are spinning vortexes of energy that are found along the spine, different organs in our body are associated with them, and they depend on the health of the chakras to function properly. Everything in our body is energy and it takes the chakras being healthy and whole to allow our body to function, have vitality, and even repair itself.
I learned to breathe. I am still working on breathing. I forget to breathe all the time. The difference is that now, I know it. When I am not breathing, my heart rate speeds up, I become anxious, and my body just feels off. Breathing, the right way is fundamental to healing. It seems silly, but breathing has been transformative.
I began to study the chakra system. I was amazed by how much I did not know. I was intrigued and mesmerized by this whole new world. I had done Tai Chi in the past, so I knew a little bit about chi and its effect on the body, but suddenly I was making all kinds of mind/body connections. Connections that would only expand over the next part of my journey to health and healing.
It was at this point that a dear friend called me and said she felt prompted to call me and offer me some free energy healing work that she had become recently involved with. She was taking a course and needed to practice to pass her course. “Energy” was the keyword for me. She honestly thought I might turn her down. She kept apologizing and telling me she knew it sounded weird. No it didn’t! I had been prepared, I was an easy sell. it was just what I needed. She needed some people to practice on, I needed the healing. And my mantra came back to me, “what could it hurt?”
She introduced me to a system of healing developed by, Dr. Bradley Nelson, a LDS Chiropractor, called The Emotion Code. This system uses muscle testing to identify and release stuck emotions in the body. I knew about muscle testing! I learned that emotions are energy. Of course they are! Our emotions really do have a tremendous effect on the body. What I didn’t know is that emotions can get stuck in the body. And when they get stuck, their low vibrational energy weakens the area where they are stuck and cause illness or trauma. Stuck emotions are a major contributing cause to cancer, for example, and the biggest culprit is the emotion of anger. For me, being able to heal, meant letting go of anger, bitterness, abandonment, betrayal, grief, and fear. Those are the main emotions that keep coming up for me. I think of these emotions as a theme for my life. They kept popping up, because I needed to release them, so I could finally heal. Forgiveness is not the same as releasing emotions, but releasing emotions does allow forgiveness to happen. The Emotion Code teaches how to do just that. Another transformative tool for me to learn! And the tools have now multiplied significantly as my journey has led me from one energy healing modality to another, in my quest to find wholeness. The great thing about the Emotion Code is that anyone can learn to do it and you can have this tool to clear stuck emotions, anytime, anywhere. It costs nothing. You can download the book for free online. It truly works like magic! But if you want to have me teach it to you, I will be willing to do that for $15 per session, just contact me here.
If you can’t master it on your own, I should be able to help you in just one or two sessions.
I want to share what I have learned with you so that you can benefit from my painful journey in order to, hopefully, make your journey a little easier. Over the next few months I will write a series of blog post and pages to describe my healing journey to you. I hope something will resonate with you that you will find meaningful and helpful. some of the things I learn will be free to you, some of them will have a small cost to them. One of the things that has been frustrating to me is how expensive it is to heal from trauma. I want to change some of that for you. There is a lot you can do for yourself, with little or no cost! Healing from trauma is a journey. It isn’t easy, but I am finding that it is so worth the effort it takes. Now more than ever, all I want is healing in my life and the peace that brings. Namaste.
Be Sweet, Stay Strong
The Cupcake Warrior