My Story

My Story is pretty long.  After all, I was married for 38 years, so this is a story that cannot be told in one sitting.  It will take me this whole blog to share my story.  Why would I want to, you ask? Simple, it is a story way too common, to so many women who are suffering alone and in silence.  The cure for addiction is sheading light on it, and sharing it. So here is the short version of my story for now;

My husband and I were married in the LDS Mesa, Arizona Temple 38 years ago.  We were so in love and looking forward to our lives together.  For the most part, our marriage was happy and good, until about 12 years ago.  It was about that time that everything seemed to change.  I cannot pinpoint exactly when or how it happened, I only know that it did. It took hindsight and lots of therapy to understand this.  My husband changed, he became dark, distant and unpredictable.  I didn’t know why, until 2 years ago.

I still don’t know the whole story, because he has never fully disclosed it to me.  Covering the lies became, for him, more important, than keeping me.  So here I am, 38 years later, at the age of 58, and I am divorced.

This is my journey to healing from Betrayal Trauma

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5 thoughts on “My Story

  1. I read you are LDS. I too am religious, I practice Nichiren Buddhism with SGI for 29 years. This faith and beliefs are exactly how and why I saw what he was, how I saved my self from his damage and escaped. In my experience with all of this I find that sociopaths really like to get a hold of people with strong faith – any kind of faith – because of our tendency to believe strongly in “good”, have hope, optimism and a belief in relationships and valuing human connection in a conscious way that keeps us “in” – The flip side of that is our faith makes us very strong in our standing up for our lives and what is decent and right. Once we discover what they are I think they have no idea what hit them.

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  2. Pingback: My Story | The Cupcake Warrior

  3. My father and step mother were married in the Mesa temple, as was one of my sisters. Although I am not LDS, many of my family are. I hear there are a lot of resources within the church. I hope they have been able to help. I am so sorry for your pain and for your loss. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. There are a lot of resources for after the fact. I wish there had been more training for my husband before this happened. I first discovered his addiction while he was the Bishop of our ward. He was tempted to go to a site mentioned to him while he was working with someone else with a porn addiction. I have all kinds of issues with this. I don’t blame the church, this what his choice, but I wish they trained Bishops how to handle this better!

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      • It’s a sad situation. We’re all human and addicts keep a lot of secrets. I’m sure being a bishop is an incredibly difficult job even when he isn’t hiding a secret life. I guess I’m impressed that the church is trying to provide resources after the fact instead of sweeping it under the rug. That being said, there are always more resources for the addict than the spouses/victims. Unfortunately many addicts don’t really want to work hard enough to change. And often prior to diagnosis they are in such deep denial often driven by shame (even if they aren’t willing to acknowledge that shame) that they won’t take help even if offered. I hope the church is starting young and helping develop proper coping skills and a safe place for those who struggle at home or at school, etc… and not attaching shame to behaviors. I know my husband has felt shame for as long as he can remember. His parents helped instill it and no one tried to help him out of a clearly destructive environment. No one’s fault. Just reality. I had always heard about adolescents turning to drugs and alcohol to cope, just not sex, but it makes sense. It’s so readily available these days. Sad.

        Liked by 1 person

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