Yesterday would have been our 40th Wedding Anniversary if my Ex had not cheated on me. It is hard for me to realize now that I spent so much time on a man who really did not deserve that kind of loyalty. There are a lot of triggers associated with this day anyway, but I am tired of crying over a man who hardly cared about me at all. In piecing back together the events of our lives with my therapist, our best guess is that he was cheating on me for at least half of our marriage. That is a long time to believe you were so happy, only to find out you were completely clueless. It makes me feel dumb, and vulnerable…and used.
It’s also a lot of time that was misused. I have a hard time feeling or saying it was completely wasted because I got 3 amazing and beautiful children out of the deal, and 5 grandchildren, so far. For that reason alone, it wasn’t a waste. Our family was never a waste of time, but he was, my relationship with him was a waste of time. I put in a lot of time and effort that, simply put, did not pay off in the long run. I was in the relationship for forever, he wasn’t.
So how do you go through, what would have been, these BIG anniversaries without feeling completely devastated by a failure that was not yours? How do you deal with the heavy losses of all the “what could have beens?” How do you try to forget this big event without making your children feel like they don’t matter to you? The answer was simple:
My daughter sent me this message yesterday morning:
Happy Familyversary, Magah! I know today is a tough day but it was the beginning of all of us and at least 4/5 of us are still in tact….or 10/11 if you want to look at it that way ❤️
That was my answer: To celebrate the creation of our family! And she is right, most of us ARE still intact. The one who is missing, is missing by his own choice. That doesn’t diminish the rest of us in the least. He made that choice. The rest of us chose to go on with our family the best we can. We are STILL a family. He could STILL chose to come back if that is what he wanted.
We STILL have a family to celebrate, even if it is without him.
Later that day I got a knock at my door. It was flowers from my kids! I felt truly loved! I do know this much: Next year we will put together a proper celebration of OUR Family on OUR Family-versary. But, for now, I am happy to know that next year January 23rd won’t be something to be dreaded or feared, it will be something to really celebrate!
Be Strong, Stay Sweet!
The Cupcake Warrior